I’m having this experience in my life now and I’ve come to recognize it as similar to standing in a hallway waiting to cross into the next threshold. Nothing more nothing less just in between the next big thing of my life.
I am at that place too and needing a little help and support for myself but no-one to reach out to. Or maybe, even worse, I didn’t learn how to do the reaching out and so no muscle memory to fall back on.
I can relate to u. I’m a retired chaplain. The person always there for others. Now? Yeah I can relate to u. The very few close to me. A smack in the face when I did need them and reached out only to be told they couldn’t.
Oohhh yep. Felt. The needed one. There’s so much identity in that. A false identity I guess, but an identity all the same…
In my case I stopped wanting to be needed/needing to be wanted and started self validating instead of outsourcing. It’s a helluva shift though if that’s who you’ve been your whole life. The needed one. The fixer.
I have related to so many of your posts but this one deeply resonated. When the silence arrived in my life it left a void that my nervous system tried to fill with fear and what if’s. I found myself looking for problems to feel needed and valued. I found myself untethered for the first time and had to remind myself that I was not only safe but that this was what I never knew I needed. It took several months before the silence became a source of peace and freedom. I now look in the mirror and say Welcome Home Beautiful Soul! ❤️
That face-down phone is such a strong image because it isn’t just silent. It’s a mirror turned away.
Your essay seems to revolve around identity shaped by attention. A face is how identity becomes visible. A mirror is the attention that reflects it back. And the phone, face-down, is a mirror no longer concerned with us.
I’ve caught myself looking at my phone after other people start looking at theirs. As though seeing them receive attention through their phones triggers me to check whether I’m receiving any through mine.
Where is my attention?
And do I really want it?
When the mirror goes away, maybe we’ve lost other people’s attention. But maybe we’ve also found our own — the kind that doesn’t have to be earned through performance.
A silent phone except for those “probably spam” calls and relentless loan marketing calls u can’t block … most likely caused by being a senior citizen and ordering things online?
I’m having this experience in my life now and I’ve come to recognize it as similar to standing in a hallway waiting to cross into the next threshold. Nothing more nothing less just in between the next big thing of my life.
Ah, the hermit mode introduced. Who is me when no one is watching?
The deal is to keep moving when this phase starts feeling like home. Because it will be... the sweetest one once one learns to appreciate solitude 🤷🙆
Now you get to choose whom to call. 😃
Enjoyed your thoughts.
I am at that place too and needing a little help and support for myself but no-one to reach out to. Or maybe, even worse, I didn’t learn how to do the reaching out and so no muscle memory to fall back on.
I can relate to u. I’m a retired chaplain. The person always there for others. Now? Yeah I can relate to u. The very few close to me. A smack in the face when I did need them and reached out only to be told they couldn’t.
Oohhh yep. Felt. The needed one. There’s so much identity in that. A false identity I guess, but an identity all the same…
In my case I stopped wanting to be needed/needing to be wanted and started self validating instead of outsourcing. It’s a helluva shift though if that’s who you’ve been your whole life. The needed one. The fixer.
I have related to so many of your posts but this one deeply resonated. When the silence arrived in my life it left a void that my nervous system tried to fill with fear and what if’s. I found myself looking for problems to feel needed and valued. I found myself untethered for the first time and had to remind myself that I was not only safe but that this was what I never knew I needed. It took several months before the silence became a source of peace and freedom. I now look in the mirror and say Welcome Home Beautiful Soul! ❤️
“Untethered for the first time” I love that description!
That face-down phone is such a strong image because it isn’t just silent. It’s a mirror turned away.
Your essay seems to revolve around identity shaped by attention. A face is how identity becomes visible. A mirror is the attention that reflects it back. And the phone, face-down, is a mirror no longer concerned with us.
I’ve caught myself looking at my phone after other people start looking at theirs. As though seeing them receive attention through their phones triggers me to check whether I’m receiving any through mine.
Where is my attention?
And do I really want it?
When the mirror goes away, maybe we’ve lost other people’s attention. But maybe we’ve also found our own — the kind that doesn’t have to be earned through performance.
A silent phone except for those “probably spam” calls and relentless loan marketing calls u can’t block … most likely caused by being a senior citizen and ordering things online?