So much me in this. In my youth people even invited me to parties to get everyone loosened up and talking to each other. Then, I left. I was always the listener. But, when I talked about how I felt or what was going on with me, people were suddenly busy or I saw their eyes glaze over like this was not on their agenda. So, I learned to be surface, funny able to converse with anyone, but never getting down below that waterline except with very few over the years. After my husband died I really isolated because no one wants to talk about death or grief. But, I am returning to the world now...a different me. I will find people who aren't afraid of that waterline. And, I am also fine alone.
I know what you mean. Everyone tells me their stories, but if someone asks me how I'm doing, I always say "I'm fine, perfectly fine." I have often wondered about this capacity within me to always tell everyone that I'm fine.
I used to be “that guy, or rather that girl“ that everyone told their life dramas to, until I couldn't listen anymore. No one thing “broke me“. it just all got too much. I've withdrawn, reclaimed myself. It may at times feel lonely, but it feels like a saner place overall. I’ll take the loneliness or I probably should say ’alone-ness“ because being in company with yourself is so liberating.
I hear you! I could call myself "old woman". I long for community yet don't feel safe in the church where I'm "supposed to" find that belonging. Suggestions are welcomed. Thanks 😊
So much me in this. In my youth people even invited me to parties to get everyone loosened up and talking to each other. Then, I left. I was always the listener. But, when I talked about how I felt or what was going on with me, people were suddenly busy or I saw their eyes glaze over like this was not on their agenda. So, I learned to be surface, funny able to converse with anyone, but never getting down below that waterline except with very few over the years. After my husband died I really isolated because no one wants to talk about death or grief. But, I am returning to the world now...a different me. I will find people who aren't afraid of that waterline. And, I am also fine alone.
I know what you mean. Everyone tells me their stories, but if someone asks me how I'm doing, I always say "I'm fine, perfectly fine." I have often wondered about this capacity within me to always tell everyone that I'm fine.
I used to be “that guy, or rather that girl“ that everyone told their life dramas to, until I couldn't listen anymore. No one thing “broke me“. it just all got too much. I've withdrawn, reclaimed myself. It may at times feel lonely, but it feels like a saner place overall. I’ll take the loneliness or I probably should say ’alone-ness“ because being in company with yourself is so liberating.
It's hard to carry the burdens of others; and if you are a sensitive person, easy to fall into that mode. Good for you for setting boundaries.
Thank you. That means a lot.
I hear you! I could call myself "old woman". I long for community yet don't feel safe in the church where I'm "supposed to" find that belonging. Suggestions are welcomed. Thanks 😊
Perhaps your mind is more expansive than what is being limited by the beliefs you have been taught that no longer comfortably fit.
Great minds think alike!!! Enjoyed reading your post. I wrote about the same thing: Alone... But Not Lonely... Protecting my energy!